Dear friends,
As this last day of the year fast draws to an end (and my kiddos would be the first to remind me that itâs ALSO the end of a *decade*), I want to talk about something that Iâve been thinking about for a while.
Which is weirdâŚ
âŚbecause I canât think of the words I want to say in this blog post.
It has something to do with fear and chasing your dreams and doing the right thing, but my words are all jumbled and Iâm not entirely sure I know what any of these things has to do with the others.
So letâs just start with the fear thing, eh?
Recently, Iâve been doing a lot of thinking. It occurred to me that when I feel fear, I tend to want to head straight into whatever makes me afraid, and I donât mean things like rollercoaster drops (no, thank you) or turning and running straight at a grizzly thatâs chasing me down (also VERY no, thank you). I mean the kind of persistent fear that creeps into your life and bares its fangs at every turn. The kind of fear that turns into a perpetual state of anxiety that makes you believe you canât go out (something bad might happen), you canât eat one more cookie (youâve had enough, youâll make yourself sick!), you canât donate blood (what if you pass out?), you canât join the gym and workout and do protein shakes like a meathead (your body will rebel – itâs not made for this – youâre a bookworm!).
(Yes, all of those thoughts *really* occurred. Welcome to my brain.)
So yeah, I did the exact opposite of what I wanted to do in each of those scenarios. Instead of running away, I joined the gym and got a trainer & nutritionist and have even been drinking protein shakes for just shy of two months now. Theyâre gross, by the way, (the shakes, not the trainer & nutritionist – theyâre both perfectly delightful), but Iâm healthier with the activity and I feel better overall than I have in a very long time.
And Iâve indulged in PLENTY of holiday junk this week. (After many weeks of being REALLY good with diet and exercise, Iâm due.) Iâve gone out and done things and seen people and filled my calendar with activities week after week, day after day, even though my introvert self really wanted to hole up in my bed, read a book, and ignore the world some days. Yesterday, I donated blood. Again. For the 3rd time this year. Because it scares the crap out of me and *grits teeth* because. I. can. No fear is going to stop me, especially not my own fear.
On the matter of the chasing your dreams thing, this year has been one heck of a whirlwind. I made the decision in October 2018 to publish A Thousand Years to Wait in 2019, and publish I did. The book launched on April 30th and I could never have imagined the kind of support I would receive from friends, family, and perfect strangers. My love for all of you is so much more than you could ever know. The year was filled with events, signings, and yes – even an audiobook that literally happened in less than a month from conception to finished product. And still, each of you stood by my side and helped make my dreams a reality.
Did I think I might fail? Certainly. Was I terrified of doing so? Hell, yes. Still am.
But whatâs that thing I mentioned about fear? Oh, right. Do the thing that scares you most.
Honestly, if it scares the hell out of you, youâre doing something right.
Huh. I guess thatâs it. Thatâs what Iâve been trying to say and thatâs the lesson for 2019. Onward and upward. My wish for you in 2020 is that you find what terrifies you, and you tackle it anyway.
Love and hugs, friends. I believe in you.
