Tag: self-doubt

You go, girl.

L. Ryan StormsLeave a comment

Gonna talk about something I’ve noticed frequently among my friends. A serious lack of self-confidence. This doesn’t apply to all of my friends, of course. (In fact, some of them could probably use at least a thimbleful or two of humility.) But when it comes to my girlfriends in particular, I see a pattern of self-doubt that borders on self-sabotage and depression. And it breaks my heart. So I’m calling it out when I see it. If you see yourself in these stories, maybe it’s time to reassess your outlook, too!

A few examples. Names have been changed.

Let’s talk about my friend Elaina. Elaina is an incredible artist. One of the best I’ve ever seen, and anyone who has seen her work cannot stop raving about it. Her talent and skill is phenomenal on a scale that I can’t even begin to comprehend, but when I try to mention this, she’s quick to respond with comments about her art not holding a candle to “professional” artists out there. She constantly insists her work is unimpressive and says that “anyone can do it.” (No. No, they cannot. Trust me.) I’ve spoken to numerous other folks who’ve seen her work. No one — NO ONE — can understand why she would say such a thing. She has an incredible eye and the skill to bring amazing creations to life. I’m not sure why Elaina would think, even for a moment, that she doesn’t have the same level of talent as other top-level artists.

Next, the story of Jillian, an established writer across multiple genres, she thinks slow sales or a 4-star review instead of 5 means that she’s not good at what she does. She expresses out loud her feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth and threatens to give up on writing, even though she eats, sleeps, and breathes storytelling. She lets other people’s comments on her books determine her entire outlook for a day, a week, or more. Why? (By the way, I’d love for a 4-star to be my lowest review…ha!) She loves her books until she reads critical reviews, and then she can see nothing but the negative in them. But she’s a talented writer who lives for creating characters and stories that enchant.

And then there’s Theresa. Theresa has been stuck in the same position in a workplace she hates for a decade. Why? Because she doesn’t have enough self-confidence to believe that she could work somewhere else, because the workplace has beat her down to a point where she believes she really has no choice but to stay. She’s in a toxic environment, but is afraid no one else will want her, so she stays in a stagnant position and never tries to move forward. What could she achieve if only she tried?

Friends. What are we doing to ourselves? What. Are. We. Doing.

Why are we self-sabotaging ourselves and our careers?

Girl silhouette with stars and moon

Girls–women–it’s time to bolster our self-worth. The world is a mean enough place on its own. It’s sad and awful and there’s so much that needs to change. (Please, please, please change soon!) But beating up on ourselves? That’s something that should never happen to begin with. To my women friends, know that every time you put yourself down, you’re showing a young girl that she shouldn’t believe in herself. Every time you refuse to acknowledge your self-worth, girls around you pick up on the signals you’re sending. Every time you say you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not skilled enough, not talented enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not tall enough, you’re setting the stage for the next generation of self-sabotage.

I have two daughters. I want them to believe in the power they have over their own lives. We are not here by chance. Our lives are what we make of them.

(A brief aside here — I must recognize that we are also victims of our circumstances, and not all of us start at the same place in life. Some of us face advantages while others must deal with significant disadvantages. While I can acknowledge this is the case, that’s a blog post for another day.)

Women. If we don’t believe in ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to?

So, girl? Go. Go make it happen. Whatever it is you dream. Whatever you hope. You go, girl. Because you? You are amazing. If only you would believe it.

The Weight of Doubt and Exhaustion

L. Ryan Storms11 Comments

It’s been a long time since I blogged. Then again, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything, truth be told.

There’s a complete and utter exhaustion that comes with caring for someone with a long-term illness and until recently, I was really good at pretending it didn’t exist.

Enter wall.

See that wall? I’ve hit it. No lie—it hurts.

We are, I hope, at the end of this long medical journey (at least the immediate journey), but since I never seem to be able to say that with any degree of certainty, it’s really hard to believe it even now.

And after five months, I’m mentally depleted. So, no new rambling blogs, no new pages in my current manuscript, no edits on the last one, and no queries on my old one. I’ve been thinking (a *lot*) about writing and editing, but honestly, it just scares me right now. I’m 100% positive that it’s due to my mental state from playing home-care nurse for so long, but I’ve reached an awkward position as a writer that I haven’t been in for quite some time, the place where I begin to contemplate if it’s worth pursuing publishing at all. The stage where my brain whispers that I’m not good enough, that my stories aren’t interesting, that my plot lines are too predictable, that my characters aren’t worth following.

I know this voice in my head and I usually tell it to shut the hell up and sit in a corner to think about what it’s done. Then I tell it that it’s going to stay in that corner until it figures out how to play nicely with the other voices. (Okay, that just sounds creepy…but you get the point.)

But lately? Lately I don’t have the energy to police what my children are eating for dinner (Frozen packaged pierogies? Again? Sure, whatever keeps you alive, kids!), let alone to police my self-deprecating internal writer’s doubt.

I know this will pass. So in the mean time, hey—I wrote something. It’s a blog post about absolutely nothing, but it’s 365 more words than I’ve written in a very long time.

If a Writer Logs On

L. Ryan Storms4 Comments

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If a writer logs on,
she’ll want to check her email before she starts working.
When she checks her email,
she’ll see she someone tagged her on Facebook.
She’ll log into Facebook,
and see she has three messages.
When she checks her messages,
she’ll notice one of them is from a writer friend.
When she connects with her writer friend,
she’ll click on the friend’s link to an agent tweet.
When she clicks on the link,
she’ll have to log into Twitter.
When she logs into Twitter,
she’ll see five notifications.
When she opens her notifications,
she’ll want to reply to all of them.
When she’s finished replying to them,
she’ll have gotten six more notifications.
The notifications will remind her that it’s the day of a pitch contest.
So she’ll work furiously on 140 character pitches.
She’ll fake tweet them 12 times to check her character length,
and then she’ll remember that she needs to leave space for the hashtag.
She’ll rewrite the pitches another 18 times.
When she finally has them right,
she’ll set her phone alarm to remind her to tweet periodically throughout the day.
But her phone will remind her that she needed to return her mother’s call,
so she’ll call her mom to chat.
When she’s done talking to her mom,
the first alarm on her phone is buzzing.
She’ll log into Twitter to tweet her first pitch.
Since she’ll have an hour before her next pitch,
she figures she’ll do some writing.
So she’ll open her current WIP.
She’ll read three paragraphs and begin to wonder why she ever wrote them.
Wondering why she wrote them will lead to self-doubt.
Self-doubt will lead her to log into Facebook to talk to her writer friend.
Her writer friend will convince her that her writing is not garbage,
but only after a lengthy chat.
About the time the chat winds down,
the phone alarm buzzes to remind her to tweet her second pitch.
She’ll log into Twitter and discover her first pitch hasn’t been favorited.
Feeling defeated already, she’ll tweet her second pitch.
Then she’ll close her laptop because she just can’t stomach defeat.
An hour later, she’ll regain her determination and decide to write,
so she’ll open her laptop to write.
And chances are, if she opens her laptop,
she’ll want to log on.