Gonna talk about something I’ve noticed frequently among my friends. A serious lack of self-confidence. This doesn’t apply to all of my friends, of course. (In fact, some of them could probably use at least a thimbleful or two of humility.) But when it comes to my girlfriends in particular, I see a pattern of self-doubt that borders on self-sabotage and depression. And it breaks my heart. So I’m calling it out when I see it. If you see yourself in these stories, maybe it’s time to reassess your outlook, too!
A few examples. Names have been changed.
Let’s talk about my friend Elaina. Elaina is an incredible artist. One of the best I’ve ever seen, and anyone who has seen her work cannot stop raving about it. Her talent and skill is phenomenal on a scale that I can’t even begin to comprehend, but when I try to mention this, she’s quick to respond with comments about her art not holding a candle to “professional” artists out there. She constantly insists her work is unimpressive and says that “anyone can do it.” (No. No, they cannot. Trust me.) I’ve spoken to numerous other folks who’ve seen her work. No one — NO ONE — can understand why she would say such a thing. She has an incredible eye and the skill to bring amazing creations to life. I’m not sure why Elaina would think, even for a moment, that she doesn’t have the same level of talent as other top-level artists.
Next, the story of Jillian, an established writer across multiple genres, she thinks slow sales or a 4-star review instead of 5 means that she’s not good at what she does. She expresses out loud her feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth and threatens to give up on writing, even though she eats, sleeps, and breathes storytelling. She lets other people’s comments on her books determine her entire outlook for a day, a week, or more. Why? (By the way, I’d love for a 4-star to be my lowest review…ha!) She loves her books until she reads critical reviews, and then she can see nothing but the negative in them. But she’s a talented writer who lives for creating characters and stories that enchant.
And then there’s Theresa. Theresa has been stuck in the same position in a workplace she hates for a decade. Why? Because she doesn’t have enough self-confidence to believe that she could work somewhere else, because the workplace has beat her down to a point where she believes she really has no choice but to stay. She’s in a toxic environment, but is afraid no one else will want her, so she stays in a stagnant position and never tries to move forward. What could she achieve if only she tried?
Friends. What are we doing to ourselves? What. Are. We. Doing.
Why are we self-sabotaging ourselves and our careers?
Girls–women–it’s time to bolster our self-worth. The world is a mean enough place on its own. It’s sad and awful and there’s so much that needs to change. (Please, please, please change soon!) But beating up on ourselves? That’s something that should never happen to begin with. To my women friends, know that every time you put yourself down, you’re showing a young girl that she shouldn’t believe in herself. Every time you refuse to acknowledge your self-worth, girls around you pick up on the signals you’re sending. Every time you say you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not skilled enough, not talented enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not tall enough, you’re setting the stage for the next generation of self-sabotage.
I have two daughters. I want them to believe in the power they have over their own lives. We are not here by chance. Our lives are what we make of them.
(A brief aside here — I must recognize that we are also victims of our circumstances, and not all of us start at the same place in life. Some of us face advantages while others must deal with significant disadvantages. While I can acknowledge this is the case, that’s a blog post for another day.)
Women. If we don’t believe in ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to?
So, girl? Go. Go make it happen. Whatever it is you dream. Whatever you hope. You go, girl. Because you? You are amazing. If only you would believe it.